Made it through

Well I made it through another week. This was a bit of a rough one. I really can’t wait for this Monday night pool league to be over. Only 2 more weeks. Actually, after tomorrow, only 1 more week.

So I found out on Friday that the new software for my other department is definitely a go, just waiting on legal t sign off which should happen sometime this week. I wish they would hurry. Why? Because I’m stuck on a very tight schedule. I have to have everything up and running in line with the release of our new mortgage software. I have less than 3 months right now. Ugh. Lots of overtime is in my future!!!

Ok, so, I did work a bunch this weekend. I told A I was going to be working a bunch this weekend. Of course, as a guy, he didn’t get the hint. He came over anyway. Pretty much he was just distracting and in my way all weekend. As usual, or what is now the usual, we had no plans to go anywhere or do anything. It’s been months now that I have gone anywhere and had some fun on a weekend. I hate it. T wants to go out next Friday for a birthday Friday at one of our bars. I want to but told her I probably couldn’t. She didn’t understand why, I told her for the same reason I stay in every weekend these days. She said fuck it, we are going. I’m good with that!

I’m pretty sure my relationship is over. I was trying to give it a little time because I knew I was overly touchy because of stress at work and whatever. But the fact is, I’m just done. I’m done with his pouty over not enough attention, I’m done apologizing for being stressed, I’m done feeling bad for not being in the mood to fool around. I’m just done. I realized it today when he seemed to be pouting all morning while I tried to work. And when I got done working and he sat next to me on the couch. He put his hand on my leg and I just so was wishing he wouldn’t touch me. It just isn’t working for me.

I don’t quite know how to break it to him. He won’t be happy and he will probably cry and pout. Whatever. I don’t know that I even care anymore.

Hope y’all had a good weekend, better than mine!!

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Unsure

So much going on.  Things are still super hectic with work.  Honestly I shouldn’t even be taking the time to type up this post, but I just needed a break and to vent a little.

I’m definitely feeling pretty burned out.  Work has been crazy busy and I rarely am finding any time to take a break, even for lunch.  Plus I’m putting in a lot of hours from home too.  I’m trying to keep on top of my son’s school stuff and keep him in the right direction, I’m not always being successful though.  I’m still doing the pool league thing, and still have both leagues going on right now.  That’s really killing me.  There’s only 3 weeks left of our Monday night league though, then I’m dropping that one.  I was so glad to take 2 days off work for my birthday, it was a much-needed rest!

Besides all that, things are staying busy at home too.  T and I have gotten so much done in the back yard (as you saw in my garden pictures!).  Plus little changes around the house and planning projects for inside.  A is still around all the time too.  Things are going well with T living with me.  I’m really happy about it and so is she.  She’s not planning on going anywhere soon and feels totally at home.  It’s so nice to see her happy and relaxed.

Things with A are a little different, we’re definitely getting into a bumpy area.  And thus, that is where I’m unsure about things.  It’s not helping that my stress level at work is making me a bit less tolerant of little things.  But the thing is, we are so different!  I know, differences can actually be a good thing.  But not always.

The big thing is, he’s so sensitive.  Ok, I know what you’re thinking, don’t girls want a sensitive guy?  Well, sure.  But there’s a limit.  He is really over-sensitive.  I mean, I get annoyed at him over something small and he’s ready to pack up his stuff and head home in the middle of the night.  WTF?

It’s a lot of things.  Another big one is that it sometimes feels like he’s the girl in the relationship.  He like sappy chic flicks.  I hate them.  I love going to Home Depot and planning little projects around the house.  He hates DIY stuff and has no real interest in it.  I like going out and doing stuff on the weekends.  He would rather just sit at the house.  (We haven’t gone out on a Friday or Saturday night in like 2 months now)  And that’s just a few things!  The list goes on and on.

It’s not to say there’s nothing good.  He gets along with my parents, my son, T and my animals.  He still believes in chivalry (although a little too much at times).  All in all, he does try hard to treat me well.

But the fact is, I’m not a girly girl.  I think on one hand he likes that, on the other he doesn’t.  I don’t know that I can be what he actually needs.  And the more I get to know all the little things about him, I’m not sure if he can be what I need.  I don’t want someone who’s going to try to control me, but I sure as hell don’t want to have to pander to someone’s every insecurity either.

So I guess the question is, what do I do?  Do I keep trying or cut my losses?