Made it through

Well I made it through another week. This was a bit of a rough one. I really can’t wait for this Monday night pool league to be over. Only 2 more weeks. Actually, after tomorrow, only 1 more week.

So I found out on Friday that the new software for my other department is definitely a go, just waiting on legal t sign off which should happen sometime this week. I wish they would hurry. Why? Because I’m stuck on a very tight schedule. I have to have everything up and running in line with the release of our new mortgage software. I have less than 3 months right now. Ugh. Lots of overtime is in my future!!!

Ok, so, I did work a bunch this weekend. I told A I was going to be working a bunch this weekend. Of course, as a guy, he didn’t get the hint. He came over anyway. Pretty much he was just distracting and in my way all weekend. As usual, or what is now the usual, we had no plans to go anywhere or do anything. It’s been months now that I have gone anywhere and had some fun on a weekend. I hate it. T wants to go out next Friday for a birthday Friday at one of our bars. I want to but told her I probably couldn’t. She didn’t understand why, I told her for the same reason I stay in every weekend these days. She said fuck it, we are going. I’m good with that!

I’m pretty sure my relationship is over. I was trying to give it a little time because I knew I was overly touchy because of stress at work and whatever. But the fact is, I’m just done. I’m done with his pouty over not enough attention, I’m done apologizing for being stressed, I’m done feeling bad for not being in the mood to fool around. I’m just done. I realized it today when he seemed to be pouting all morning while I tried to work. And when I got done working and he sat next to me on the couch. He put his hand on my leg and I just so was wishing he wouldn’t touch me. It just isn’t working for me.

I don’t quite know how to break it to him. He won’t be happy and he will probably cry and pout. Whatever. I don’t know that I even care anymore.

Hope y’all had a good weekend, better than mine!!


Looking for the way

I know, I’ve been very pessimistic and down lately and I have no idea how long it will last.  But because I don’t know how not to, I do intend to keep fighting it, so don’t give up on me yet.  🙂

When it comes to dealing with an over-abundance of emotions, people tend to do a lot of different things.  Some people find meditating or doing things like breathing or yoga help.  Some find exercise helps.  Not so much for me.  Sure, taking a couple deep breaths helps a little when dealing with a specific situation, but not with how I’m feeling as a whole right now.  And let’s be honest, I’m not little miss health-conscious.  Going for a run or joining a gym is just not for me.

Some folks will use writing.  Personally, I take full advantage of this (obviously!!) and find it truly therapeutic.  Most of you follow both of my blogs and are well aware that I use this form in two ways.  One is right here, just straight venting out my frustrations of the day or the moment, the other is with my poetry.  And my poetry is sometimes a straight shot of exactly what I’m feeling and other times a wild exaggeration.  But alas, this only helps so much.

Some people recommend taking out your frustrations by doing something physical, like punching a pillow.  Others condemn the use of violence (even if it is an inanimate object) as a way of release.  Well, I for one am not one of the “others“.  In fact, I was feeling so on edge yesterday that as soon as I got home, I changed and went to the garage and finally set my punching bag back up.  Yeah, that was a workout in itself, between putting the stand back together and then hanging a 70 pound bag on it.  So once I had it all set up (and took a quick breather back inside with the air conditioning!), I headed back out to the garage, threw on some music and went a few rounds with the bag.  Half an hour later I was hot, sweaty and tired and ready to actually relax for a little bit.

I may not be feeling great today, but that really did release a lot of tension!  But in all seriousness, it really did make me feel a little better.  I still didn’t sleep great last night, but I did sleep at least a little better than I have been for the past couple of weeks, especially the last 4 or 5 nights.  So maybe this will help me out of this funk.  That and the freedom to write on my day-to-day blog again.  Gotta say, I’m really glad I never got around to selling that punching bag like I planned on.  Plus it will give me a little exercise and I might be able to lose a few more pounds!  So to those who say that hitting something to deal with frustration is wrong, I say :P!  (at least when it comes to inanimate objects)

I hope all of you have had a good week so far!