Ahhh

Ahhh, it’s Sunday and I finally get some time to kick back and relax. I’m sitting here on my back porch enjoying the breeze, watching butterflies flitter over my little garden, and just kicking back.

Yes, he is still here. But alas, his allergies are still bugging him too bad so he’s sitting inside playing video games. I have to leave in a just a couple hours to go pick up my son. What’s the point of him sticking around if we aren’t even spending time together? Oh yeah, his game console is only working if it’s plugged in with an HDMI cable, and his TV isn’t HDMI. I think allergies is just an excuse today.

Whatever.

So my garden is really growing! Everything has all kinds of new growth. And the tomato plants are just going nuts with new blooms!

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Our first tomato is really growing too, and a second one is growing right behind it. I know, you can’t really see it in this pic, but it’s there. 🙂

And check out how big all the herb plants are getting!

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Hopefully that picture doesn’t come out as dark as it looked on my phone! It’s really ended up being so much fun to have all this stuff growing in my backyard. Makes me wonder why I waited so long to do something like this!

Well, I hope you are all having as nice of a Sunday as me!! 🙂

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Soooooo

Ok, so last night wasn’t totally horrible, but it was far from great. In fact, it was about boring as hell. I actually had to force him to choose between continuing to read his book, watch some tv or play some pool. He still wouldn’t fucking choose!! “Whatever you want to do.” OMG grow a fucking spine and have a fucking opinion!

Never in my life have I ever known someone who cared so little and had so few opinions about what they do, what they eat, who’s around, where they go. Seriously, his response is always the fucking same. Whatever I want. What I want is to fucking hit him when he says that!

And what’s worse is all this work me and T have done to the backyard. He’s allergies are too bad and he really wants nothing to do with it. Seriously? Me and her could all but live out here now! But no, he’s too allergic to every fucking thing. Oh, yeah, he finally told me that he’s massively allergic to dogs and cats. Wtf? I have 3 dogs and a cat that I love to dote on!

What the hell am I supposed to do?!?!?!

TGIF?

I guess I should be glad it’s Friday. But somehow I’m not.

For one thing I know that I need to get a lot of work this weekend. Plus it’s Friday which means that A is here until I go pick up my kid Sunday. Thank god the child didn’t decide to stay home this weekend. Damn, that sounds horrible!!

Ok, I really don’t mean it that way. It’s just a matter of having so much work to do and he kinda makes me feel bad if I don’t pay enough attention to him. He kinda tries to play it off and says it’s ok, but he’s a horrible liar. I did mention that he’s super needy for attention, didn’t I? If not then I’ve mentioned it now. Yep, even when I give him a kiss he whines and gives me a big ol’ pouty face when I try to pull away. It’s like, really????

Ugh, he’s just too much for me. It was kinda funny early when T made the comment that she wishes she could find someone like him. It was all I had in me to not say “careful what you wish for”.

It kind of makes me feel like a bad person to say this, but I’m just being honest. I don’t know that I can maintain this relationship. He knows that I’m getting aggravated a lot lately. What does he do? He tries to do more! Ugh! Just the opposite of what I want!

As it is, I can’t get up to get my own beer, he questions why I’m getting up if I so much as need to go to the bathroom. I can’t clean anything up unless he’s not here, he insists on doing everything! Jeez, make me feel like an invalid. Sometimes a person just needs to get up off their ass and move, what is so wrong with that??

Not to mention that he wants me to explain myself over everything. If I tell him not to tickle me, why? Because I don’t like it, why? Because I don’t. But why don’t you like it? Fucking really??? Because I don’t I shouldn’t have to explain why, just stop fucking doing it!!!

Ugh, ok enough ranting, he’s starting to give me funny looks and will probably be crying later because I’m not giving him every ounce of my fucking attention. Hope you guys have a better weekend than me.

Unsure

So much going on.  Things are still super hectic with work.  Honestly I shouldn’t even be taking the time to type up this post, but I just needed a break and to vent a little.

I’m definitely feeling pretty burned out.  Work has been crazy busy and I rarely am finding any time to take a break, even for lunch.  Plus I’m putting in a lot of hours from home too.  I’m trying to keep on top of my son’s school stuff and keep him in the right direction, I’m not always being successful though.  I’m still doing the pool league thing, and still have both leagues going on right now.  That’s really killing me.  There’s only 3 weeks left of our Monday night league though, then I’m dropping that one.  I was so glad to take 2 days off work for my birthday, it was a much-needed rest!

Besides all that, things are staying busy at home too.  T and I have gotten so much done in the back yard (as you saw in my garden pictures!).  Plus little changes around the house and planning projects for inside.  A is still around all the time too.  Things are going well with T living with me.  I’m really happy about it and so is she.  She’s not planning on going anywhere soon and feels totally at home.  It’s so nice to see her happy and relaxed.

Things with A are a little different, we’re definitely getting into a bumpy area.  And thus, that is where I’m unsure about things.  It’s not helping that my stress level at work is making me a bit less tolerant of little things.  But the thing is, we are so different!  I know, differences can actually be a good thing.  But not always.

The big thing is, he’s so sensitive.  Ok, I know what you’re thinking, don’t girls want a sensitive guy?  Well, sure.  But there’s a limit.  He is really over-sensitive.  I mean, I get annoyed at him over something small and he’s ready to pack up his stuff and head home in the middle of the night.  WTF?

It’s a lot of things.  Another big one is that it sometimes feels like he’s the girl in the relationship.  He like sappy chic flicks.  I hate them.  I love going to Home Depot and planning little projects around the house.  He hates DIY stuff and has no real interest in it.  I like going out and doing stuff on the weekends.  He would rather just sit at the house.  (We haven’t gone out on a Friday or Saturday night in like 2 months now)  And that’s just a few things!  The list goes on and on.

It’s not to say there’s nothing good.  He gets along with my parents, my son, T and my animals.  He still believes in chivalry (although a little too much at times).  All in all, he does try hard to treat me well.

But the fact is, I’m not a girly girl.  I think on one hand he likes that, on the other he doesn’t.  I don’t know that I can be what he actually needs.  And the more I get to know all the little things about him, I’m not sure if he can be what I need.  I don’t want someone who’s going to try to control me, but I sure as hell don’t want to have to pander to someone’s every insecurity either.

So I guess the question is, what do I do?  Do I keep trying or cut my losses?

Birthday Dinner

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The lovely spread – diced potatoes in olive oil and fresh herb, fresh green beans, roasted lamb chops coated in olive oil and fresh herbs (and yes, the fresh herbs are from our garden!)

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Perfectly cooked!! And they were some tasty lamb chops!!

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This was my loving son’s birthday present for me. He made me fresh baklava and did it all by himself. Apparently everyone was in on it and he cooked it while we were out playing pool Monday night.

My new garden

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Our little garden – 3 tomato plants, 2 jalapeno plants, 3 bell peppers, 1 cucumber, 1 squash, 1 zucchini and arugula

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Our first tomato, although it’s actually a little bigger since I took this and a 2nd one is now growing too 🙂

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Our herb garden, which has been expanded since I took this, we now have 2 shelves and a total of 4 planter boxes. We have sage, sweet basil, purple basil, rosemary, thyme, oregano, cilantro, parsley and I’m also going to try to grow my own garlic!